Love: A Choice, not a Feeling…

Love is a choice and a commitment. You choose to love or you choose not to love.


Today we’ve bought into this myth that love is uncontrollable, that it’s something that just happens to us; it’s not something we control. In fact, even the language we use implies the uncontrollability of love. We say, “I fell in love,” as if love is some kind of a ditch. It’s like I’m walking along one day and bam! – I fell in love. I couldn’t help myself.


But I have to tell you the truth – that’s not love. Love doesn’t just happen to you. Love is a choice and it represents a commitment.

The above quote comes from today’s devotional.  It struck me, because one of my dear friends who has been struggling with family issues has asked me – when I patiently listened to her cry for the millionth time – why I loved her so much.

I was so struck by this devotion that I sent her the above quote in an email with this answer:  “Why do I love you? Because I choose to.”   

Be encouraged. Today, tell someone you love them.  Better yet – decide to love. I have told newly wedded couples and soon to be married couples about my relationship with my wife.  I tell them that I’ve always lived by this principle of choice.  There are times we don’t like each other. There are times we fight.  BUT I have chosen her.  I choose to love her – whatever her faults.  And she has chosen to love me despite mine.  Love is not a feeling – it’s a choice.


19 Responses

  1. To say Love is NOT a choice makes us robots. One does choose to act in love, or not.

    • Totally true. Small thought, but profound.

  2. Amen!

  3. Sadly only a small number of people seem to understand and/or believe this… But it is 100% true. It’s when u don’t believe and understand this, that relationships fail.

  4. Ever think that by not letting yourself experience real love, love you don’t have to mentally force yourself to have, that, that is more robot like than anything? To deny yourself what happens in the heart and change it into something that only occurs in the brain? That is robotic. Christians are weird is all I have to say because if you think about it, you’re all robots in this large strange cult. And you all chant together… hmmm…. and now you’re all trying to convince the population not to let their hearts be involved with love. That’s weird you don’t think? Why would the ruling religion of a country try and convince it’s population to stop using their hearts? This notion of love to me is backwards and scary. Please open up your eyes and your hearts, and use your brains to think and your hearts to love.

    • I wasn’t trying to say it is wrong to use your heart. I guess if I were writing this article today I would have said it’s not ONLY a feeling, it’s a choice as well. One has to feel, and use your heart… but it is a choice to stay committed when the feelings falter.

  5. Mark 10:2. “Jesus felt a love for him and said to him”

    In order for love to be felt it must be a feeling.  In this verse love is felt and the feeling compels Christ to take action and choose to speak. Scripture teaches that love is not less than a choice, but it is more than just a choice. Christ’s love includes feelings of affection for us that, for example, moved him to choose to lay down his life.

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